Saint Patrick's day

Well I hope you all had a lovely Saint Patrick's day. I also you hope that you won't all be too hungover tomorrow because lets be honest : the majority of you got at least a little drunk.

Woo Saint Paddy's day.

I did not get drunk. I do not get drunk you see. Not even on Saint Patrick's day. I am a sober person, or as some other people would say, I'm a boring person.

Bleh.

My family thinks I'm an alien. So do many of my friends. They're not entirely sure how I can possibly be Irish (because yes, I am in fact Irish).

Whatever. I had a good day in any case, and I'm pretty sure that's the point, as opposed to just getting completely hammered for the sake of it.

Cheers.

Party Time

Its party time in the Sheridan household, and there's a lot of people just chatting away in my kitchen. There's food and booze and everyone is having a grand old time.

Why the party? Well it's my mum and stepdads annual saint Patricks party (and yes I am aware that saint Patricks day is tomorrow, not today), and on Monday it's my stepdads birthday.

Two birds. One stone.

There's a lot of people down there. I say down there cause I am currently hiding away in my bedroom with my cat and my computer. I'm such a wonderfully social human being.

I hate parties. I really do. I'm going to be 19 years old in a week and I've been to a grand total of two student parties. The first cause it was to celebrate one of my best friends birthday, and the second cause I managed to convince myself that if I socialised a little maybe I'd "get a life". That didn't really work out for me.

All the other parties that I've "been to" have been thrown by a family member. So I can do what I'm doing now, i.e hide away in my bedroom with the cat and a computer.

God bless the Internet.

I don't like parties cause I don't like being surrounded by so many people that I don't know. I don't like to drink. And I'm quite bad at small talk. Parties just make me feel generally uncomfortable.

So Saturday 16th of march, half past eight, and thirty minutes into the party. Only four or so more hours to go. Joy.

The adventures of the non adventurous

Oh dear. I haven't written anything here all week. At the same time I've not much to say and I'm tired. I'm always tired I guess. But this week just felt so heavy you know?

What happened. Adventures Chloe. Think of adventures.

Oh I know! This made me laugh. Maybe it will make you laugh too. Or maybe not, I don't know. It's all I've got for the moment.

I'm scared of Jehovah's witnesses. For multiple reasons that I won't really get into today. I'm just absolutely terrified that one day a pair will turn up on my door and tell me I'm going to hell, or something. One time a pair showed up at a friends house, and she asked them to leave but they didn't, so she tried to shut the door, and they wouldn't let her.

So yeah. I don't want that to happen to me. I'm scared enough living on my own without something like that happening.

Anyway I have this other friend who has occasionally showed up on my doorstep out of the blue. And every time she has done this I've almost had a heart attack. "Jesus I thought it was the Jehovah's witnesses" I said to her the first few times. And she laughed at me and told me I was being an idiot.

But guess what I found in my postbox the other day? A pamphlet talking about our Lord Jesus Christ. Not only a pamphlet though. Oh no. It was an invitation. From the Jehovah's Witnesses.

Cue screams of horror and terror. "I told you so, I told you they were coming for me"

Ahem.

Seriously though. To be able to get to my postbox they would have had to come onto my apartment building. which means they could have come knocking on my door. And if they did it once they could do it again.

Oh shit.

Marissa and Séline

Marissa and Séline are two of the greatest people alive on this planet. Truly they really are.

Along with Tamar, and my cousin Ciosa, they are the people who hear the most shit from me, and yet still choose to stick around to hear some more.

Somebody give these people a medal. Seriously.

I saw them both today for the first time in months. They don't go to college in the same town I do you see. Basically I moved away and they stayed put.

That was one of the worst things about moving away. It felt like I was losing so much, and gaining so little. All for the purpose of hopefully getting a huge benefit in later life. I'm holding on to that thought.

I hung out with Séline all afternoon, and we just chatted. And it was so lovely. And then we met up with Marissa who hugged me when she saw me. And this is a big deal for me, because Marissa isn't someone who hugs just anyone. Its extra special coming from her.

The movie wasn't any special, but I don't care about that cause I was with two of the greatest people on earth. And I love them so much, and I'm so glad that they are my friends.

Lets do this until we're old and decrepit my Darlings. And then lets keep doing it after.

Naptime

I have an exam next week, and I really want to do well. So I told myself that today I would study all day, and that I would read all of my notes from the beginning of the year in this particular subject (extra-patrimonial law in families if you were wondering).

And then I fell asleep. Well that went according to plan.

I did read all of my notes. It just took longer then planned, and I had an unplanned and unexpected nap in the middle of my study session. A very needed nap that was far too short.

You guessed it. I am once again in a period of pure exhaustion. That's why I haven't written anything in a while. I've been sleeping, and studying, and sleeping, and basically dying.

I haven't been doing any reading, or writing (but I'm getting there Ciosa don't worry).
I admit I have been watching episodes of my favourite series. One every evening in bed before I fall asleep.

I refuse to feel guilty for that though. Take that away and I have nothing left to enjoy.

Whatever this was just to prove that I am in fact still alive. And now I think I'll have another nap. Maybe forever.

Inadequacy

I am surrounded by talented people. People who are smart, and funny and good at some particular thing. Or at least people with ambition.

My brother is an international athlete. He's just a junior athlete for the moment but he's still competiting on an international level. No biggie.
My best friend wants to be an actress, and she's doing what she loves. I think she's good, but apparently I'm biased so you know. Whatever.
My one friend in law school knows exactly what she wants in life, and she knows how to get it. So now she's working on getting it.
One of my best friends taught herself how to speak english all by herself, and now she's doing the same with korean. Korean.
Another of my best friends is one and a half years younger than I am and she's in a more difficult course than me. And she's doing better.

Everyone I seem to surround myself with is either smart, or talented, or ambitious.

And then there's me. I'm not looking for pity here. I'm just feeling the inadequacy you know? Like what am I doing here with these people, and why are they even letting me be in their presence.

I like being with this kind of people though, because they're interesting. And I like interesting people. Interesting people are, well, more interesting for one, and they're fun most of the time. You learn with them and you can have these really cool conversations.

You're never really bored is what I'm getting at.

But the side effect of hanging out with people who are smarter, and more ambitious, and just generally more talented than you is this terrible feeling of inadequacy.

I'm not all that ambitious, and I'm not particularily smart, and I have no real talent. I don't bring all that much to group conversations you get me?

I'm the one who drinks the tea and brings the snacks. And then I eat the snacks.

Writers block

I have nothing to say. I don't know what to write about, what to talk about. Nothing seems to be happening to me and I feel like I'm being very very boring.

These past few days all I've doing is walking my dog, scrolling down tumblr, watching supernatural and making friendship bracelets based on my fandoms.

I started doing some of my homework yesterday but I got bored and went back to making bracelets.

I make bracelets like I bake : simultaneously out of boredom and out of a need to do something. And it keeps me calm. Baking and making bracelets I mean. Obviously.

Beh.

I warned you I had nothing to say.

The kettle's just boiled. I'll go drink my tea and hope that this block doesn't last too long.