I've been taking some medication for the past two months to help with my anxiety and my constant crushing inability to actually even try to enjoy my life. I'm actually feeling much better, which is a relief.
The first thing that came back was my sense of humour, and by that I mean that I started making more shitty jokes, and not because I was pretending to be ok, but because I genuinely felt like being a sarcastic dick again.
Then I started making plans. For real, actual plans, as in things that I actually feel like doing and intend to do one day. As opposed to just wanting to lie in my bed all day and do fuck all.
The next thing to show up was enthusiasm. Is it sad to say that I almost didn't recognise the feeling at first? I'm am doing something and I don't feel numb. It's incredible, and joyful, and wonderful, and amazing.
I'm feeling properly happy, for no reason, and without someones help, for the first time in ages.
I know some people don't approve of drugs, and using them to get better. I decided to trust my doctor and I don't regret it. Cause if I'm to be completely honest I would have to say that drugged enthusiasm is a whole lot better than being sober and numb all the time.
Life is looking a whole lot brighter than it used to.
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