Anger and insecurity

Two of my cousins went on holidays to Lanzarote with my Granny a few weeks ago. They've both just gotten home.

How do I feel about this? Honestly I'm jealous, but that seems obvious. Also insecure and angry. But that's got nothing to do with the fact that I couldn't go and more to do with my cousins who did.

Let me explain.

One cousin (lets call her cousin A) was one that I love beyond tiny little bits, she's one of my favourite people in the whole world and I miss her constantly.
The other (cousin B) I dislike greatly. I don't hate her. I don't hate anyone really. But my dislike for her is long lasting and deep rooted. Everyone just loves her.

I feel insecure because I feel like everyone likes cousin B more than me. And as stupid as it sounds (and trust me I am fully aware of how idiotic I am being now) I feel that cousin A must like cousin B more than me too. I'm jealous. How damn stupid is that?

I'm being a dick.

Anyway that's why I'm feeling insecure. Ignore it Ciosa  cousin A. I'm just being dumb.

Now why does this trip make you feel angry Chloe? Well lets head back to cousin B.

Cousin B told A that I never answered her messages, and insinuated that I was unnecessarily sharp and mean to her.

Excuse me? Excuse me?

First of all let me start by saying that I have never once, not once, received any messages from this cousin that was not either a group message or a birthday message. So don't you dare go around spreading nonsense like that.
And secondly she has nothing to say to me about being sharp. If I am sharp or cold towards her trust me it is perfectly deserved.

Last summer I was back home with a friend and some family and B shows up and blatantly ignores myself and my friend. Then when she was finished talking amongst "grown ups" (bearing in mind that while I'm nearly 19 she's 21 so only about two and a half years older), she turned around and talked to me, without so much as saying hello to my friend.

So excuse me for being sharp. If you were polite to me and my friends standing right in front of you then I wouldn't be.

Whatever. My dislike goes back further than that. I won't go into any details.

So long story short I feel angry and insecure. Gotta love family.