Being me

Being me. That appears to have been the theme of my day.

What I mean by that is that some little things happened to me today that made me question my actions, not because they were serious or anything, but just because it's the little things that give people their first impression of you and the first impression is usually the one that sticks.

Depending on who you are the amount of talking I do changes. And I'm insecure so I hardly ever say the first I love you in a relationship (relationship here meaning a friendship because I am completely single as I always have been. Yeah I'm pretty sure I'm going to die alone. Whatever back to the subject).

My friend Eda told me that she had missed me today, and I said "I missed you too" because I had actually missed her, and then she replied "no you didn't".

Wait what?

All this because I never say it first. Well shit.

That's what I meant before by little things. They make a huge impact on people. So the fact that I'm quiet and rarely say how I really feel (unless you're one of the three people I tell everything too) gives people the impression that I don't care. And that's just not true. I care a lot. Too much sometimes.

The other thing that was to do with my daily theme was a few videos on youtube that actually talked about the concept of being yourself.

"Be yourself and people will like you"

Right. But who the fuck am I? What defines me as a person, what makes me me?

Is shy a major characteristic? Is quiet? Is the fact that I like baking important? Or the fact that I love animals? Am I me because I still sleep with my teddy bear, or is drinking tea more myself?

"I think therefore I am". Descartes said that. Clever dude, answering a huge philosophical question by basically saying "I think I'm me so I'm me". At least that's how I understand it.