To forgive or not to forgive

I've mentioned my family on multiple occasions here. What can I say, family is important whether you like it or not.

I've talked about the members that I love, and the members that I don't like all that much. I don't say any names (unless its Ciosa cause I know she reads this), cause well even though I'm writing this for the Internet to see it's still personal.

I don't forgive. This is a problem, and it's not a good character trait, in fact I think we'd all agree that it's a pretty bad one. But to balance that out it also takes a lot to get me really and properly angry.

If I get angry at you there's little chance I'll forgive you for what you did. But to get me angry to that point... well you'd need to have fucked up pretty badly.

Ciosa always seems so forgiving in my eyes, and I find that amazing. I'd like to know how she does it, how she lets go of that rage.

Cause that's what it is with me. I feel this red hot rage towards the person that has "wronged me" (as if it were really that black and white), and it never really goes away. I try to forget about it, to move on, to continue to have a relationship with this person, but that rage always comes back.

I'm not an angry person I need to make that clear. I'm only this angry with two people in this world of ours, and I have to say that I feel that the feeling is justified. But maybe that's just me.

I'm trying to let go. I'm trying to be forgiving towards these two people (pretty sure you can guess who they are Ciosa), but I can't seem to be able to do it.

It sucks.

It sucks because I feel that I am being unnecessarily hard on these two people sometimes, while at others I want everyone to dislike them as much as I do, and then I feel guilty for my own dislike. Then of course I get angry at them for making me so conflicted about my own feelings...

It's a vicious circle. Advice Ciosa?

Oh and Ciosa like I said two posts ago, just ignore me when I'm being jealous. It doesn't happen all that often. I generally ignore it and hope it goes away fast. xx