Babies

My youngest auntie had a baby boy on the first of may, three days ago. His name is Gearoid (pronounced Gah-road) and from the look of the pictures I've seen of him he's a lovely little baby.

I'm glad. His parents are great fun, and they're wonderful people. They deserve a lovely baby.

I remember when my aunt told me she was pregnant. She was really happy and excited, but she a little nervous telling me. I think it's cause everyone in my family knows I'm not overly fond of kids, and she was the last member in our family who didn't have any. She was worried I would be disappointed. Silly really. I love her, so of course I'll love her baby. I love him already, and I've never even seen him.

And I'm sure that when I croon over the lovely darling, everyone will laugh about how I might change my mind yet. "You sure you don't want any kids?" they will ask me. I know they'll do this cause they did the very same thing when my mum had my sister, and when my uncle had his two boys.

The answer is no. No, no, no. No children. Thank you very much.

I'm not sure why I'm so against the idea of kids. Maybe it's cause I find them irritating when I spend too much time with them. Maybe it's the idea of having to take care of sometime financially for over 18 years.

But I think it probably  has more to do with myself then with the actual kids.

I had a dream I had a little girl not so long ago. I woke up crying because in the dream I had realised that she was going to grow up, and I was going to lose all control of how to protect her. You can't protect a kid from everything. No matter what you do at some point something will happen, and that child will experience pain.

The world's a rabid animal, and it likes to bite.

I've had enough pain, and I don't want to inflict on anyone. And when I think to myself how good I've got it compared to others it just makes me think how awful it all is.

So no kids. They're annoying, and a pain, and a responsibility that I don't want. I don't want kids, and I don't want marriage. But that's a story for an other day.