Hating school

I've always hated school. For me school was like a constant popularity contest that I could never win.

You had to be the prettiest, or the boys wouldn't like you.
You had to be the smartest, or you would never go far in life.
You had to be the most outgoing, or you would have no friends.
And on and on and on, a never ending list of impossible things.

I always lost. I was never the prettiest, or the smartest, or the most outgoing, or anything.
I was awkward, and shy, and scared, and I had braces and a really awful looking pair of glasses.

I'm still awkward, and shy, and scared, but at least now my braces are gone and I have contact lenses. Praise the Lord.

They made fun of me at school. "They" being the more popular kids, the ones better at hiding the fact that they were just as lost as I was.

I used to wake up in the morning dreading getting out of bed, dreading the fact that I was going to have to go to school.

And that feeling has stuck with me. Like I said before I'm better now, but that doesn't mean I don't dread going. I've mentioned in one of my earlier articles the fact that I'm afraid of people. Really I'm afraid of large groups of people, mainly because there's this little voice in my head constantly telling me that those people are going to laugh at me and make fun of me.

Stupid voice. Those people probably don't even realise I exist.

I'm going to have to get over this eventually. That or become a hermit.

I could be a hermit.